Friday, February 4, 2011

Day 67 - Watching Julie & Julia... With My Eyes Closed

Day 67.

You know how people sometimes say "Oh, that's so easy, I could do it with my eyes closed!"? Well, I for one, think that those people are stupid--not to mention incredibly insensitive towards the blind. But for you non-English speakers out there*, being able to do something "with your eyes closed" is an expression used to illustrate that something is done very easily, even without having to think about it or look at it. So that being said, I think you all know where this is heading...

*I don't know how you've been able to follow the blog so far, but--Bienvenidos!

Julie & Julia! With My Eyes Closed!
What it looks like to watch Julie& Julia with your eyes closed.

I know, I know. You're probably thinking, "Hey Lawrence, what kind of idiotic stunt is this? No way you watched an entire movie with your eyes closed! That's just fucking crazzzzzy.

To which I would respond, "This whole blog is an idiotic stunt. And the word 'crazy' only has one 'z'."

Let me remind you that this is my 67th viewing (fuck, does this even count as a viewing?) and I have to keep coming up with new, inventive ways to make the time pass by. Unfortunately, this poorly-conceived "eyes closed" idea completely backfired on me. 

If you think a movie--any movie--drags on a little too long (like this one definitely does), then I would implore you to try and watch it again, sans visuals, and then tell me that it is not the fucking longest and most excruciating thing you've ever had to sit through. I think it's something people take for granted, you know--the visual aspect of movies. Because without actual moving pictures to follow, everything else pretty much sucks. 

They say that once you lose one of your five senses, the other four tend to heighten, in order to compensate for the one that you lost. And that's true. Since I was not able to see Meryl Streep and Amy Adams gallivant around New York and Paris, I heard every line, sound effect, music cue, etc. louder and clearer than I ever had before. Basically, I had to sit there for 2 hours, just listening to the sounds (and excruciatingly long pauses) of Julie & Julia. You think Julie Powell's personality is grating/annoying now? Well, try dealing with just her incredibly whiny voice without the attractive image of Amy Adams to keep you grounded. Even the great Meryl Streep sounds breathier and even somewhat full of herself when you just boil everything down to the voice (They made me dislike Meryl! You bastards!).

Plus, I knew that they spent a lot of this movie gushing about food, but they really spend a lot of this movie gushing about food. Sooo many weird, off-putting sexual, noises... surely, these are the sounds that will haunt me forever. 

"This is good. This is really, really good." Fuck you, NMR! What's good?

Oh and one more thing--I promised myself at the outset that I couldn't fall asleep. What a dumb fucking promise, right? Well now that it's over, I might have to go ahead and take a permanent nap (Not actually, though. Please no one call the suicide hotline. They're really sick of hearing from me). 

Coming Soon: I watch Julie & Julia with one hand tied behind my back!


Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "French people... eat French food!" 

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