Thursday, June 2, 2011

Day 185 - Julie Powell's Inevitable Fate

Day 185.

Unfortunately, the huge life-changing event/high that was my brother's wedding is officially over and I have since returned back to school just in time to take a bunch of finals and such. And I hate to say it, but this whole "studying" thing is really cutting into my J&J time. Just kidding--nothing cuts into my J&J time.

What is" time," really? Does anything actually ever end?
What are we, if not a herd of pack-mules, dangling in the summer wind?

Nothing, that is, except for hilarious news stories about butter! Yes, you read that headline correctly:

From AOL via Gawker:
There's a thin line between buttery and battery -- and Dawn Elizabeth Rhash crossed it, according to police. [Best newspaper story lede I've read in a while]
Sheriff's deputies in Collier County, Fla, say the 49-year-old attacked her male roommate with butter on May 21. [Okay, I'm intrigued now, let's see where this goes]
The incident occurred at some point before 6:46 p.m., when authorities arrived on the scene of a reported domestic disturbance and encountered the victim outside the home he shares with Rhash, according to an police report obtained by AOL Weird News. [AOL Weird News, America's most trusted source for weird news]
The victim told deputies that he and Rhash "were having an argument about what food was hers and what was his" when the suspect "threw butter at him striking him in the leg," the document notes. [YEAHHHH]
Deputies observed that the victim "did have butter on his ankle." [GOT 'EM!! RIGHT IN THE FUCKING ANKLE!!!]
When authorities confronted Rhash, the noticed a "strong odor of an alcoholic beverage coming from her person and facial area." [No... really? I find this difficult to believe]
Rhash allegedly confessed she had been drinking vodka, but insisted that she did not hurl butter at her housemate. [Gotta draw a line somewhere]
She has been charged with misdemeanor battery. [Mhmmm, buttery]

Sounds fucking delicious, right? And maybe just a little bit hot and kinky? Like, I've definitely seen that on Cinemax at 4 am before. Except then I looked at the woman's photo:

Remind you of anyone?

Okay, maybe a little unlikely, but not that farfetched. I mean, they both share a weird affinity for butter. And it's not hard to imagine Julie Powell going completely unhinged at some point--she's got a track record for crazy. Give it a few years, let her fame fizzle out, give her some meth, and then see what happens--she'll be throwing sticks of butter at an unsuspecting Not Mark Ruffalo in no time. We are staring into the future here, people.

Thanks for sending me the link to the story, Cocoa V.! If you've got a funny butter story to share of your own, send it to me at And if it's a sexually explicit butter story, pics or it didn't happen.


Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "We make pastry with so much butter, it almost stops your heart just to look at it."

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