Day 189 - Have I Memorized This Movie Yet?

Day 189.

It's a question I get all the time these days: "HEY LAWRENCE, DO YOU HAVE JULIE & JULIA COMPLETELY MEMORIZED BY NOW?!?! I MEAN YOU'VE SEEN IT SO MANY TIMES OMGSH HAHAHA RIGHT?!!?"

In my mind, all these people asking me look like Flo, the obnoxious spokeswoman for Progressive.

And I'll admit, though rather annoying, it is a valid question, albeit one with a rather complicated answer.

I mean, yes, I have the entirety of Julie & Julia memorized somewhere up in my head--all the scenes, the lines, the sounds, the music--fuck, I've had that in there since around Day 50, probably. I mean, I think it'd be pretty much impossible to watch any movie 50 times and not have it memorized in some form, right?

But here's where it gets tricky. I haven't been trying to memorize this movie at any point during my yearlong journey so far. In fact, I've been actively trying to suppress it. So while the film is unquestionably memorized, I've somehow buried it so far back in the depths of my mind that it's not really memorized at all, if that makes any sense...

What I'm saying is that it takes all the mental energy I have to contain any Julie & Julia-related material that may bubble up in my daily routine, so I'm really not too concerned with trying to memorize each and every scene word-for-word. I have to walk around pretending I'm a normal person, after all.

But then again, it's become such a part of me that the word "memorization" doesn't even seem to do it justice. I experience vivid Julie & Julia flashbacks, I dream about Julie & Julia at night, I've even mistakenly introduced myself to people as "Amanda Hesser from the New York Times."

This is who I am now.

At this point, watching Julie & Julia has become such an integral part of my daily routine that I can't imagine not watching it. I need to have my fix every day. And I fucking hate myself for it. I mean, I barely pay attention to it when it does play, but I just fucking need it to play.

I know heroin is supposed to be the most addictive drug, but at this point I'd rather shoot up a gallon (is that the proper unit of measurement for heroin?) of that shit than watch this movie again. And even though I'm telling you all this now, I'm sure tomorrow I'll be back at it--watching this goddamn movie again--just to feel something, you know?

So fuck you, people who ask if I've memorized Julie & Julia yet.
I don't have to memorize Julie & Julia--I LIVE JULIE & JULIA.

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Julie & Julia Quote of the Day: "Oh God, you memorized it? How pathetic."