Sunday, May 22, 2011

Day 174 - Lines That Sound Profound, But Really Aren't

Day 174.

For as much as I hate the movie Julie & Julia, I'll admit that there are a lot of nice little moments and lines scattered throughout the film. I mean, I won't go so far as to say the movie is particularly well-written, but it's safe to say that Nora Ephron knows her way around a tender moment coupled with a profound-sounding line or two. Profound-sounding being the key term here. After watching this movie 174 times, these "killer" lines seem to lack the oompfh that they did the first hundred times or so.

"Everything I say is profound. You know why? 'Cuz I'm Meryl Fucking Streep."

And with that little preface, I give you...
Lines in Julie & Julia That Sound Profound, But Really Aren't.

Julia: I mean... It's...
Paul: I know...
Julia: But I'm...
Paul: I know. I know. I know.

One of the first little Julia/Paul moments in the film, this scene used to tickle my fancy real hard. But then I started to realize that neither of them actually say anything substantive. I mean, I get that their love of food and strong connection with each other is supposed to be so powerful that it goes without saying--but really? Say something about the texture or flavor of the fish, assholes. You're leaving me completely in the dark here.

Julie: I love that after a day when nothing is sure, and when I say "nothing" I mean nothing, you can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate and sugar and milk, it will get thick. It's such a comfort.

Well 1) I proved this wrong here. And 2) That's just stupid. How is mixing the same shit and getting the same result a comfort for anyone? That's like saying "Oh, it's so comfortable to know that every time I eat 6 Taco Bell tacos, I'll be up the whole night shitting."

Julie: When I was eight, my father's boss came to dinner and it was a really big deal, and my mother made boeuf bourguignon. But it wasn't just boeuf bourguignon. It was Julia's boeuf bourguignon. And it was like she was there, like Julia was there in the room, on our side like some great big good fairy. And everything was going to be all right.

Sure, this is a nice little story--but when you think about it, I doubt Julia Child's boeuf bourguignon was the only reason the dinner went well. I mean, she says it as if that meal saved her father his job. Last time I checked, adequate work performance was the best way to go about saving one's job.

Julia: French people eat French food!

No shit, Julia. She only gets away with saying something so stupid because she's Meryl Fucking Streep.

Julie: Julia Child, you are so good.

Very descriptive, Julie. You're supposed to be a writer and you can't come up with any adjectives better than "good?" What about "delectable" or better yet, "tit-licious?"

Chef Max Bugnard: The hand and the knife are one.

This line is trite as fuck.

Paul: Anyway, so there we were in China, just friends having dinner, and it turned out to be Julia. It turned out to be Julia all along.

Again, another really nice moment for the first 100 times or so--but now? I'm just curious to know to what the "it" refers. I mean, what exactly turned out to be Julia? The woman I loved? The woman I wanted to bang? The woman I had sex with while wearing a blindfold so I wasn't sure who it was going to turn out to be in the end? Doesn't seem too sweet now, does it?

Paul: Julia, you are the butter to my bread, and the breath to my life.

Another classic, but reads like nonsense when looked at under the microscope. I know a lot of people would disagree, but I feel like bread is way more substantive than butter--like butter is an accessory/luxury for bread. You can eat bread without butter, but butter without bread? That's just gross. Also, who the fuck wants to be the breath to someone else's life? Seems sexist to me. Like the lady is the only thing that can make the man's life complete. I personally think women can have lives of their own, without having to breathe into any dudes. In conclusion, breadlife > butterbreath.

Julie: I'm 30. I thought it was gonna be terrible, but thanks to you, and thanks to Julia, it feels like I'm gonna get through.

Wait, maybe this is just me as a naive 20-year-old talking out of his ass, who doesn't feel like they're going to get through 30? What's the average life expectancy again? For someone who doesn't gurgle down 3 sticks of butter a day, that is.

Paul: It has a tanginess.
Julia: Tanginess?

Paul: Yes.
Julia: Well, that's... that's who I married.

Julia is just ecstatic to have married a guy who describes food as "tangy." Damn, maybe Paul Child was a homosexual.

"Are you a homosexual?" "Well, I have a certain tanginess!"

Julie's Boss: Anyone else would fire you. A Republican would fire you. I'm not a schmuck.

I still haven't a clue what this means. There is no context for this bizarre republican remark. Liberal media bias in Julie & Julia? Sounds like a future post to me.

Julie: But let's face it, I am not Julia Child.
Nooooo shitttttt. You are Julie Powell. Only Julia Child is Julia Child. I coulda told you that 2 hours ago and saved us both the fucking trouble.

Julie: Are you back? Please be back.
Eric: What's for dinner?

Julie: Are you back? Is this fight over? Is our marriage saved? Does true love exist in this fucked up world of ours?"
Eric: What's for dinner, bitch?!?

Julia: Where's home? Where do we live?
Paul: Home is wherever we are.

A bit cliched, but I actually still kind of like this. Dammit movie, I guess you aren't so bad after all.


This movie blows.


Julie & Julia
Quote of the Day: "Here she comes. Wow!"

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